60 Day Results

I'm coming up on 60 days in this challenge, and I thought I'd share my results with everyone before I left for vacation this week. I don't have a lot of time to write this post, so I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves.

Starting weight: 198.4 lbs
Current weight: 178.8 lbs (Yeah, I'm 20 lbs. down!!!)

Starting waist: 46 in.
Current waist: 39 in.

And for some reason, it won't let me resize this last picture, but I really don't have time to mess with it, so here it is in tiny form:

 

 



Breaking Barriers & An Awkward Moment

In less than two weeks, I'll be hitting my 60 day mark with Turbo Fire. This is officially the longest I've ever made it with a workout program, Beachbody or not. The 30-45 day slump was hard to get through, but I pushed on with the help of my coach, the encouragement of my friends, and the accountability of my challenge group. Also, my steely determination to finish something didn't hurt. I've got my second wind now. I can feel a difference in all of my workouts - I'm just so much stronger than I was when I started! I remember that first month I had to keep pausing the DVD to catch my breath, and I don't need to do that anymore. I can finish every workout without taking extra breaks. Not that it's easy, by any means. I still feel like I've been hit by a train. Overall, though, I enjoy the pain. I feel like every aching muscle is a reward because it's taking me closer to my goals. I'm so ready to get through this next month! And I'm totally excited to post my 60 day comparison pictures. It's not going to be as painful to show them this time because I know there's such a huge improvement. No shame here! Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm glad I stuck around this long because it's going to be completely worth the struggle in the end.

Oh, and speaking of struggling...

Has anyone else had a totally awkward moment during a group workout? Like, so bad that you kinda wish that everyone else was struck with temporary blindness so they wouldn't notice what was happening? That happened to me tonight.

I'm cringing a little bit as I share this story, mostly because I'm pretty sure some of the other coaches who went to fit club tonight actually read my blog. But whatever. I promised to share my journey, and I will - every little detail, no matter how utterly embarrassing. As my coach Leti pointed out, I wrote about nearly crapping my pants in my last blog, so comparatively, I guess this isn't too bad.

So...here's my awkward moment.

We did Insanity's Plyometrics Cardio Circuit at fit club today. Insanity is no joke! I'm in decent shape nowadays, but I was having some problems keeping up. Part of the reason was that I was still recovering from last night's sculpt workout, but the main reason was that Insanity is INSANE! (Fitting name, right?) The other, smaller, very small reason, was that my underwear fell off. Yeah. That happened. We were doing jump squats, and SCHOOMP! There went the undies, down to my thighs.

I wasn't sure what to do at that point. I mean, I guess I could have run to the bathroom and fixed it. Now that I think about it, that would have been the smart thing to do. But my brain wasn't functioning at the time - maybe something to do with the lack of oxygen - and I figured I probably shouldn't even bother fixing 'em because they'd just come down again. So, there I was, doing jump squats and in 'n out abs and all the other crazy stuff that Shaun T demands, praying desperately that my pants would not come down too. Because THAT would be a complete disaster.

I'm sure you may have already guessed this, but it's hard to do squats and jumping jacks with confidence when your underwear is down around your thighs. That being said, my word of advice for the evening is this: If you're losing a lot of weight and have to participate in group activities, invest in some new undies. You never know when they're gonna fly off.

Another Life Lesson & More Oversharing

I just typed the title to this blog post and then let out a heavy sigh. I like to share positive experiences with you. This is not a positive experience. I guess there's a bright side to it - I finally learned my lesson. Yeah, okay, that's definitely a bright side. The lesson I learned here is one I've been struggling with for a long time, so I'm glad I finally got smacked upside the head with a little bit of sense. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you what this week's life lesson was.

Jon and I took the kids to Denver this past weekend to go car shopping. We had just gotten back from an unsuccessful car hunt in Phoenix the weekend before, so I wasn't thrilled about being away from home again so soon. Home is my comfort zone. I know I'll get my workouts done, and I have complete control over everything that goes into my food. I love home. But we needed a car, and Denver had a lot more options than anywhere in New Mexico, so off we went. (For those of you who don't already know this, we get free flights with Great Lakes Airlines because Jon works for them. We're not just throwing money around right and left on plane tickets.) We ended up buying our car there, so it was great that we went. I absolutely love our car!

Anyway, this shameful story is not about our car or even really about the time we spent in Denver. It's about my eating habits while we're away from home. I generally do all right with food while we're away, but the temptation to eat crap sometimes gets the better of me. I know I've talked about this before. I do my workouts in the hotel room, I eat healthy for the first day or two, and then I blow it on a piece of cake or some buffalo wings or something. Well, this time my downfall was Chipotle. Ok, that's not really a huge downfall if you're just looking at the calories. Chipotle is a burrito place, and they have an option to make the burrito in a bowl, without the tortilla. I figured, what the heck, I'll go with that. There's not a Chipotle where we live, and I used to love eating there before I was living my healthy lifestyle. Burrito bowl, that's gotta be healthy, right? I ordered it with black beans and rice, pork (could've had chicken, but I hate chicken), extra hot salsa, guacamole, and lettuce. No cheese, no sour cream. Not too terrible. It tasted pretty good, but it wasn't as amazing as I remembered it. It was definitely not worth the trouble it caused me later.

(It was kinda like this. Oh man, I can't even look at it right now.)

The morning after we had eaten Chipotle for dinner, we got up at 5:30 am to head to the airport. I was going to fly home with Calista, and Jon and Tori were going to road trip home in our new car. It was a great plan because Calista still needs to eat every few hours, and a drive with her would take a lot longer. We had to get up that early because Jon had to get home in time for work, and it's a good 7 hour drive home from Denver. I wish we could have taken a little more time to get ready, but we were in a rush to get to the airport in time for my flight. I felt my stomach rumbling from the previous night's dinner, but there wasn't much I could do about it. I got to spend a little time in the bathroom before we left the hotel, but apparently it wasn't enough.

When Calista and I got to the airport, we checked in at the ticket counter and then had to hurry through security. I was carrying her in the baby backpack on my front, and I had my backpack with her diapers and formula on my back. Security isn't too hard to get through that way because they let me wear Calista through the metal detector. Still, I had to take off my shoes and belt and do all the other stuff that they make you do to get to the other side. By the time I had my clothes back together, I was in a pretty big hurry to get to my gate. Great Lakes, being the tiny little airline that it is, is in the basement of the Denver International Airport. To get to the gate, I had to speed walk all the way to the end of the A concourse, take the escalator downstairs, and speed walk all the way to the end of the basement concourse. What I'm trying to say is that it's a long freaking walk, and I was doing it as fast as I could with about 30 lbs of baby/luggage strapped to me.

I'm in pretty good shape by now, but I was sweating and huffing and puffing by the time I got to my gate. I checked in and had time to make Calista a bottle for the plane ride before they started boarding us. I did not have time to use the bathroom. I didn't even really think about it because I was so busy getting to the gate and making Calista's food and everything. When we boarded and were sitting on the plane waiting to take off, though, I noticed my stomach rumbling again. It was an angry rumble. It was saying, "Hey. Hey there. What the hell did you do to me last night? I'm gonna get you for this. Yeah, be scared." And I was. I was very scared. Because guess what? Great Lakes planes don't have bathrooms.

That's right. No bathrooms. Not even the tiny little closet bathroom that you normally find on a plane. Great Lakes has only enough room for passengers and luggage. The plane I was on that day only had nineteen seats. None of them had a toilet hidden under them. So there I was, crammed into my seat with Calista on my lap, waiting for takeoff and thinking, "Oh my God, I'm gonna shit my pants."

The second thought that crossed my mind was "We haven't even taken off yet. This is bad. This is really, really bad." Then I decided I should try to stop thinking about it. Mind over matter and all that. I thought maybe if I could be distracted, I would find a way to tell my body to quit the drama and just hang in there for the hour and a half flight. Unfortunately, there's not much distraction available on a nineteen-seater plane with no music allowed and no scenery going by. We were just rolling slowly down the runway. I could have walked faster than the plane at that point.

I broke out in a hot sweat. My stomach was boiling. Calista was merrily eating her bottle, and I was trying to concentrate on that instead of the discomfort I was feeling. It wasn't distracting me at all. All of a sudden, I felt a terrifying pressure and I thought "Oh no you don't!". I gritted my teeth and slammed my butt closed. The pressure dissipated inside of me instead of exploding into my pants, but it was so forceful that I could feel the bubbles coming back up my intestines. I doubled over in pain, and slowly the feeling went away. "Ahhh," I thought, "that's better." It didn't stay away for long. We were finally in the air, but it hadn't even been ten minutes into the flight before I had another battle with my bowels. I won again, but it was a close call. This happened more times throughout the flight than I can even count. Each time, I was close to my breaking point. The fear that I would have to explain my soggy, smelly, saggy pants to someone as I was getting off the plane was the only thing that kept me hanging on for dear life. I don't think I even need to tell you how incredibly humiliating that would be.

At one point, Calista woke up from a nap and started grunting. I watched with growing jealousy as she took a huge dump into her diaper. Am I proud that I wished I had a diaper too? No, no I am not. I think at one point I had a passing thought that had something to do with me stuffing one of Calista's diapers into my pants. That's truly desperate and really pathetic, but there it is. I was in the midst of a battle that I was determined not to lose.

When they finally announced the descent into Farmington, I was so relieved I almost cried. I had to tell myself to stay vigilant because if I relaxed for even a second, all my hard work would be for nothing. The plane landed and I waited impatiently for the door to open. I tried not to run or shove people, but I'm pretty sure I did both on my way to the bathroom. I was in there for a long time, and when I came out again, I was triumphant. Mark this on your calendars: Wednesday, August 15th - the day I did not shit my pants. (Fine, you don't have to mark it. But if you want to, do it in red. And throw in a few exclamation points.)

Moral of the story: don't ever stop eating healthy, wonderful foods, even when you're away from home. Eating junk that you're not used to will really throw your body off, and you might end up fighting a war with your furious stomach like I did. I won this one, but I might not win next time, so I have to make sure there's not a next time. I've been telling myself this for a long time, but I'm finally worn down to the point that I can actually follow my own advice. That was way too close for comfort.

3 Day Shakeology Cleanse - the Good, the Bad & the Really, Really Ugly

I just finished the 3 Day Shakeology Cleanse! It was the first time I've ever done something like this, and it was quite the experience. I have very mixed feelings about it. This blog post is going to be a very thorough review of the cleanse, and hopefully it will provide some insight for those of you who are thinking about trying it. *ahem* Emily *ahem* ...sorry, had to clear my throat...Ok, here's my review:

The Cleanse:

Basically, you're supposed to drink three Shakeology shakes per day for three days, with green tea and fruit as a snack twice a day. End your day with a salad/veggies and about 4 oz. of lean white protein. Your shakes are supposed to be plain - one scoop of whatever flavor Shakeology (I used chocolate) and ice/water. Your daily schedule for three days would look like this:

Breakfast - Shakeology
Snack 1 - green tea/fruit (I had bananas for my fruit, but you can use whatever)
Lunch - Shakeology
Snack 2 - green tea/fruit OR your 3rd shake
Dinner - Veggies & protein (I had grilled tilapia every night)
Snack 3 - If you didn't drink your 3rd shake for Snack 2, you'd have it after dinner sometime.

Also, you're supposed to be drinking a LOT of water, at least 64 oz. I had close to 90 oz the first two days, and only about 75-80 oz on the last day.

This is supposed to help you lose weight, detox your body, regulate digestion, and re-energize you. It can also help break a plateau and kickstart your metabolism. It did all of the above for me, except for re-energize and break a plateau. (I will explain about the energy in my "Bad" list. The plateau didn't apply to me because I wasn't on one. I've been losing weight steadily.)

The Good:

- The cleanse was really short, and it was also really easy to follow. I've never done any juicing or cleanses before, but I always assumed they're be more complicated.
- I lost 5.6 lbs in 3 days! That's the most weight I've lost at one time since I started my weight loss journey.
- In addition to the weight loss, I lost a full inch off my waist, a half inch off my hips, and an inch off my chest. (Goodbye, boobs!) For it being just 3 days, those are HUGE numbers. It usually takes me about 2 weeks to lose inches.
- Meal preparation was incredibly easy because all I had to do for most of the day was mix my shakes. For dinner each night, I had grilled tilapia and veggies, which is also quick to make. (Can you tell I like things to be quick and easy?)

The Bad:

- This cleanse is supposed to re-energize you. I was dead tired the entire time. Now, I've heard that the first day is kind of hard because your body is adjusting to the change in diet, but I got more tired as the days went on. I'd say part of that was my fault. I bought the wrong kind of green tea when I went to the store before the cleanse started. It was the Crystal Light powder green tea, and it had aspartame in it. I didn't notice til I got home, and by then I didn't want to have to walk all the way back to the store just for green tea. And since I had just bought my groceries for the week, I didn't go to the store the entire three days I was on the cleanse. No green tea for me! I guess I could have had the Crystal Light stuff, but it kind of goes against the whole point of a cleanse if I'm drinking man-made sweeteners that are totally not good for my body. I also blame the lack of energy partly on my kids. For some reason, neither one of them decided to sleep at all the last two nights. They're both usually really good about sleeping through the night, so I don't know what happened there. Maybe it was a full moon or something. Whatever it was, it didn't allow me to sleep either. So, no sleep and no green tea for energy...yep, I was pretty exhausted. I have no idea if the cleanse had anything to do with it or not, so this one might be on my bad list and no one else's.
- You have to drink the Shakeology plain. I like to put fruit or peanut butter in my shakes, and drinking it plain was just not fun. Beachbody recently changed the chocolate shakeology formula to make it more nutritious; now it has less sugar per serving and has more superfoods than it did before. It's WAY healthier than it was, which is crazy because it was already really healthy. The only bad thing is that there is now a strong stevia aftertaste when you mix it with just water and ice. I had just gotten my bag of the new formula, so starting out the cleanse by discovering the harsh aftertaste was not fun. By Day 2, I was mixing it with a tiny bit of honey just to try to tone it down a little. (That helped, by the way. So did adding half a banana instead of the honey.) Even if the shakes didn't have an aftertaste, I still like to have different recipes every day, so it wasn't my favorite thing to have to drink 'em plain.
- I got bored eating tilapia for dinner every night. That one was my fault, too. You can choose chicken or fish, and you can cook them however you want as long as there's not really any kind of sauce or butter on them. (Shouldn't be eating them with butter anyway...but that's a different topic.) You can also make a salad instead of veggies, if that's what your heart desires. My heart, at the time of grocery shopping, happened to desire an easy shopping trip, so all I bothered to buy was tilapia. My advice is that you switch things up! It's the only food besides fruit that you get to eat all day, so please don't make the same mistake I did and eat the same thing three days in a row. (Unless you absolutely LIVE for tilapia or chicken. Then you can do whatever you want.)
- I didn't buy enough fruit because I didn't add Jon and Tori into the equation. Not that I blame them, but they ate most of my fruit supply. Again, my fault. I didn't buy enough, and I didn't tell Jon not to eat it. So yeah, make sure you get enough fruit to last the full three days, and if you have a significant other/family/roommate, tell them to step off. My lack of fruit probably also contributed to the lack of energy.
- I wasn't able to work out on the cleanse. I did my workout on Day 1, but the other two days, I just didn't have enough energy. It's fine because I still lost a lot of weight. However, I hate losing my routine, even for a couple of days. I'm always scared I might not be motivated to get back into it, and then my workouts will just stop altogether. (Which, thankfully, is NOT the case this time. I'm about to go do my workout after this. The worry is always there, though.)

The Really, Really Ugly: (I'm not proud of any of this, but I'm determined to give you an honest review, so here it is...the UGLY.)

- I was on my period for the entire cleanse. I wasn't expecting it. It came early, two weeks early as a matter of fact, and it really pissed me off. There's nothing like not being able to eat food when you're PMS-ing. Combine that with the lack of sleep/energy, and my family had a raging bitch on their hands. I felt so angry by the end of the three days, I'm surprised I didn't punch a hole in the wall or flip the kitchen table over while everyone was eating dinner. I DO NOT recommend doing this cleanse when you're on your period. Don't do it. Seriously. Don't.
- One of Shakeology's many benefits is that it curbs cravings. I'm not just saying this - it actually does really help with cravings. I don't even really think twice about junk food or chips anymore. But...trying to do this cleanse while PMS-ing...let's just say that all the Shakeology in the world can't curb those kinds of cravings. I think all you ladies know what I mean. On Day 2, Jon was eating chips and salsa, and it was all I could do to not lunge across the room and shovel chips into my mouth, Cookie Monster-style. Normally I wouldn't even be tempted. (I gave in on Day 3 and had two small chips. I consider that a win.)
- And while we're on the subject of food temptations, I am never, ever tempted to take Tori's food before she even gets a chance to eat it. But Days 2 & 3, I was making her lunch and battling with myself to not house the whole thing before it even got to the table. That's horrible. I hate feeling like I have to fight with myself just to avoid eating my daughter's food. I made her a grilled cheese sandwich, which I don't eat anymore and don't even miss, so having cravings like that is ridiculous to me. When she didn't eat her whole lunch, I immediately threw it in the trash, but I had to cover it with a dirty diaper because part of me was ready to dive in there and retrieve it. I feel dirty and disgusted with myself just talking about it, but it's the truth. (I didn't eat any of Tori's food on any of the days. That's a win, too.)

The Recommendation:

I doubt I will ever do a cleanse again. This was not a fun experience for me, and even though I lost weight, I don't think it was worth it to go through the emotional turmoil. I believe that clean eating combined with exercise is more than enough for me to lose weight and be healthy. Cleansing, to me, has too many negatives to make it worth my while. That's not to say it won't be worth it to anyone. I DO feel pretty good today. I have energy even though I still didn't get enough sleep last night, my digestion is working nicely, and of course I'm almost 6 lbs lighter than I was a few days ago. So my recommendation is this:

- Do the cleanse if you don't have to deal much with anyone on a 24 hr. basis. I had two kids who wouldn't sleep at all, and things got crazy. If you live by yourself or with supportive adults, then go for it.
-  Do the cleanse if you want to lose weight really quickly, like for a wedding or a hot date. If you do it right, you can lose quite a bit.
- Do the cleanse if you've hit a plateau and you're just not losing weight anymore. I have a feeling this would really get things going again.
- Do the cleanse if you don't have a problem drinking Shakeology plain. This was hard for me, and I think it would be a lot easier for someone who was actually enjoying what they had to drink three times a day.

- Do NOT do the cleanse if you are on your period. I can't stress this enough!!!
- Do NOT do the cleanse if you have to deal with people constantly. My kids drove me to the brink of insanity because I wasn't able to get a break. As my energy decreased, so did my patience, and I ended up being one angry mommy. Not fun for anyone. My customer service friends, if you're planning to do the cleanse, I recommend trying it on your days off. That way you'll still have a job when you're done. (I could be exaggerating...I still don't know if my bad attitude was more PMS or cleanse-related.)

...and that's it, I guess. I thought I had more "do NOT" reasons, but that's all I can remember. So, in conclusion, I think cleansing is not the best thing for me personally, but it might be right for someone else.

My "Why"

Ok, I know I told people in my Fit 'n Happy group that I would be writing about the Shakeology cleanse that I'm currently doing. (I'm on Day 2 out of 3 now! Halfway done!) That was my intention, but then I had a phone call last night that I just knew I had to write about because it was life changing. This is not an exaggeration. My life just hit a turning point, and suddenly I know what I'm supposed to be doing. So today I'm going to be writing about that phone call instead of the cleanse.

Before I can tell you about last night, I have to back it up a little bit and explain what I've been doing lately. At the beginning of July, I became a Team Beachbody coach, pretty much at the same time I signed up to be in the 90 day fitness challenge. At first, I told myself I was just in it for the discount on Beachbody products, I'm not coach material, I don't want to try to sell people things, I don't want to be pushy, blah blah blah. Basically, I was pretty negative about it. (Although, the coach discount is a pretty great benefit, so that part wasn't negative. But that's the only part that I was excited about.) I guess I saw myself standing outside of a grocery store, harassing people until they either ran away from me or begrudgingly listened to what I had to say and then walked away shaking their heads and muttering under their breaths. The picture I had painted in my mind of me as a coach was bleak, to put it mildly.

Luckily, I changed my mind and decided to give it a try. I thought to myself, "This is MY business. I don't have to be pushy if I don't want to. I'm going to do things my way, and if it doesn't work, at least I'll know I tried. And I won't become someone I'm not just to try to make money." The more I thought about it, the more I realized that being a coach is actually perfect for me. It's not about selling things. It's about helping other people change their lives and get healthy, all while changing my own life for the better. Everything I do as a coach to help others is holding me accountable. Every time I write this blog, I want to have something positive to write about, not something negative like skipping a workout or eating crappy food. Every time I post something in my Fit 'n Happy group and people respond, I know they're all paying attention to what I'm doing, and I know I need to stay on track to continue to motivate them. And next month, when my fit club and my challenge group both start, I know for sure that I'm going to have to be the best example possible because I've made promises to everyone involved that I WILL help them change their lives, and I can't do that if I'm slacking off. People are looking up to me, and it's a huge responsibility. The thing is, I know I can handle it. The more improvement I make in my own life, the more I'm going to be able to help everyone else, just through experience alone.

When I finally realized all of this, I felt great about being a coach. The bleak picture I had painted was replaced by one that was much more warm and fuzzy and full of hope. But I was still really overwhelmed. There's a lot to learn about being a Beachbody coach, and I was lost. Thankfully I have an amazing team of people above me who were willing to show me what to do. My coach's coach, Amber, started a group for those of us on the team who were brand new to the business. We were given assignments to complete each week to give us insight on how to be better at coaching without giving up who we are. I loved it. I learned so much about the business, and, unexpectedly, I learned even more about myself.

...which brings me to last night. It was our final group phone call. The thirty days of learning were done, and we were all "graduated", so to speak. Our last homework assignment was to find our "why"- the reason why we're all coaches, why we're putting ourselves out there and getting rejected time and again, why we're willing to work our butts off for, often times, very little money or gratitude. As Amber put it, "You could go get a regular job. Why are you choosing to do this one?" Our assigment was to find our "why" and then share it on the phone with everyone else in the group.

It was an emotional call, to say the least. People poured out their hearts to the rest of us. I won't share here in my blog what everyone said because it's very personal, but just know that the coaches I work with are incredible people with incredible dreams. I will, however, share what I said, mostly because I have promised to share every part of my journey with you, and this part is HUGE. Also, I need to get used to telling people my "why" because I'm sure I'll be asked at some point why I'm a coach. And I need to get through it without sobbing, so I guess writing it down is a good start. (As my eyes start to well up with tears...again...geez, I need more practice.)

I was the fourth person to share my "why" with the group, so by the time it was my turn to talk, I was already crying. It wasn't the best way to start out something that was already going to be hard to say, but I forged ahead anyway. Here is my "why":

I am a Beachbody coach because I want to help other people lose weight the healthy way and feel as happy about life as I do. But, even more than that, I am a coach because I need to succeed in something that I start, which includes my fitness program, my weight loss, and my business. I need to succeed at this business and not give up just because the going is difficult sometimes. I have rarely seen something through to the point of being successful, and I need this business to work not only because I can help a lot of people but also because I can help my own self esteem. I WILL NOT BE A FAILURE ANYMORE.

That's the written version. I don't know if you can get the full effect of what I was trying to say when you just read it. But, you see, the part about not giving up was when I had a complete breakdown. I've started so many things and then quit, time and again. College, for example. (That one happened three times, actually.) Joining the Army...and then the Navy...(complete disaster there). And of course, trying multiple times - too many to count - to lose weight and get in shape, and stopping every time before I even come close to hitting my goals. Every time I start something and then stop, my heart breaks. I feel more like a failure every time it happens. The only thing that's made me completely happy and successful is my family. I couldn't be more proud of my husband and kids, and I'm proud of myself as a wife and mom. That's no small thing, and I'm not trying to belittle that at all. But it's also a team effort, and as far as individual success, achieving something all by myself, I've felt like a complete failure for years.

At the beginning of this blog post, I said that last night's phone call was life changing, and that's completely, 100% true. I refuse to feel like a failure for things in my past, and I refuse to let past mistakes keep bringing me down. My "why" is going to keep pushing me forward. Even if no one buys Beachbody products through me, even if no one joins my challenge groups or shows up to fit club, even if no one joins my team as a coach under me, I will still be a success. That might sound crazy, but every step I take as a coach is a step towards a healthier life for myself. So even if my coaching business fails miserably, and I make no money and have nothing material to show for it, I'll have this new body and new outlook on life. And THAT is something to be proud of.

Someday I'll Look Sexy Shirtless

That day is not today. But it'll happen! I can already see improvement, and I'm only 30 days into my challenge. I doubt I'll be strutting around in a bikini after the full 90 days. Ok, let's be real, I'll probably never strut around in a bikini. I didn't do that when I was at my goal weight and in the best shape of my life, and my personality hasn't changed that much since then. It's probably never going to happen. But my goal is to have the option to wear a bikini without being embarrassed a year from now. Just because I'll probably opt out doesn't mean I don't want the choice!

Here comes the really embarrassing "I'm-cringing-just-thinking-about-doing-this" part. I'm going to post my 30 day comparison pictures for all to see. Shirtless. *gag* *cringe* I have NEVER done something like this. It's so far out of my comfort zone, it's ridiculous. But I'm doing it for the accountability. I really want to keep showing improvement to anyone who reads my blog so that maybe one of these days I won't be blushing so hard from showing my bare stomach to the world. For today, though? Today is rough. Ugh. Ok, here goes. Be gentle.

...that's all I can do today. I need to post this before I delete it. Ahhhh!!!! Ok, here I go.