I've been in such a funk lately! I've totally neglected my blog, as I'm sure some of you have noticed, and I've been skipping more workouts than I care to admit. And while I haven't totally stopped eating healthy, I really haven't been counting my calories the way I should. It's not like my "cheat" days are like they used to be - I still eat way healthier than I ever did when I was overweight, but I can tell a difference in how sluggish I feel lately. The worse I've been feeling, the more inclined I've been to keep doing the wrong things. Why is that? I think part of it has something to do with how close I am to finishing a program for the very first time. It's like I'm afraid to taste success. I know I already talked about this in my post about the 30 day slump; I got past that obstacle, and now I'm in the homestretch and finding myself up against another wall. Well, I'm not having it! I was so close to giving up a week ago, but yesterday I realized a few things.
First, this is a lifestyle. Just because I have a bad week or two doesn't mean I should just pack it in. Yeah, I fell off the wagon a little bit. But guess what? I'm getting right back on and picking up where I left off. My workouts are back on track, and so is my eating. When I step on the scale at the end of this week, I'm going to accept whatever number is there and move on without giving it a second thought.
Secondly, I don't
have to do everything exactly as it's laid out on paper. I've had a mental block the last couple of weeks. Just looking at the TurboFire schedule had me shaking me head and saying, "No. I don't want to do an hour long workout." And then I would sit around and not do it. My challengers were going through the same thing last week, and I was giving them advice about how they should just pop in the shortest workout DVD and get it done because it was better than not doing anything at all. Was I following that advice myself? No! All of a sudden I realized that I was being a total hypocrite and decided I'd better knock it off or no one would ever take me seriously. Now I have a plan to just take it day by day and decide which workout I'll do depending on how I feel. I still plan on challenging myself, but at least now I don't have to feel forced into a certain workout just because that's what the calendar says. The important thing is just doing
anything!
And last of all (and maybe this is the biggest one), I realized that part of my problem came from spending last Saturday at the pool. I started scuba diving lessons last weekend, which has been a HUGE dream of mine that is finally coming true. I was so excited to start! Then I got to the pool and had to stand around for an hour in my swimsuit. That was super awkward because I've never been comfortable in a swimsuit, even when I was in really great shape and looking my best. I feel so naked, even though it's basically just a tank top and shorts. I kept thinking, "When can I put on my wetsuit?!" because obviously that would cover up everything.
Well, the time finally came to put the wetsuit on, and unfortunately I happened to pass a mirror on the way back out to the pool. What a disaster. I could see every bulge of fat that I'd been trying so very hard to hide. At that moment, it didn't matter that I've lost nearly 30 lbs over the summer. All I could see was an overweight girl who looked uncomfortable and disgusting. It was really hard for me to walk out there and stand around with everyone when I really just felt like going back into the locker room and crying. But I wasn't there to look like a supermodel, I was there to dive, so I sucked it up and went out there with my head held high. Good thing I did, too! Scuba diving is a BLAST! I loved it. Once I was in the pool, what I looked like didn't matter and I was able to have a ton of fun. I can't wait to go back next week.
The point of this story is to tell you that I came home feeling great about scuba diving but terrible about my body. I kept wondering, "What's the point? I look like crap, and I've been working my ass off. I guess it doesn't make a difference what I do." Lame, right? I really don't like the little negative voice in my head. I'm such a positive person now that it's really weird to have Negative Nelly in there, talking me down into misery. But there you have it. I was talking myself into giving up. Luckily, it only lasted over the weekend, and then I came to my big realization. In addition to the other stuff I just said, I realized that NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN A WETSUIT. NO. ONE. (Maybe with the exception of wetsuit models, but they're not the average person, so they don't count.) I can't go moping around because I don't look totally awesome in a wetsuit! And if I totally give up on my healthy lifestyle, there's never going to be even a slight chance that I'll pull off that sexy neoprene look.
So, with all that being said, I'm jumping right back into it. I'm back to working my hardest and giving my best effort to everything I do. I'm going to walk my talk (or however the saying goes) and set a great example for all the people I'm coaching. I'm not going to worry about how I look, but I AM going to worry about how I feel. When I hear that little negative voice trying to make me feel bad, I'm going to reinforce all the positives in my life so that I feel confident and strong again.
